On the passing of PJ Rex

Written by Robert Rex

PJ Rex passed away from a heart attack on May 29, 2024, one month shy of her 78^th birthday. She was born Paulette Jane Harper in Newton, Iowa in 1946 to Burnice Harper and Pauline Stark Harper. PJ is survived by her husband of 44 years, Robert Rex, her stepdaughter Christine and husband Brian Marsh and two grandchildren, Daxten Motarex and Samantha is Marsh.

After high school, PJ moved to Berkeley, California to attend the University of California. After college, she entered the banking field and went on to become the first female trust officer in California. As a banker, PJ was an inspiration and a mentor. She was respected for her no-nonsense attitude and her ability to be tough when necessary. She called it as it was and expected others to do the same. She gained lasting relationships and lifelong friends from that experience.

PJ and Robert met in college and were friends for several years before they got married in 1982. PJ inspired Robert to become a winemaker. In 1972, as a thank you gift for fixing her Fiat Spider, she gave Robert a winemaking kit. Ten years later, Robert sold his tobacco business, PJ quit her banking job, and they moved to Sonoma Valley to earn a living making wine. They found Deerfield Ranch in Kenwood, California, and got married underneath a heritage oak tree in the backyard. They converted a horse barn to their first winery and ran Deerfield as a bed and breakfast inn for 16 years. In 2000, they bought 47 acres on the Sonoma Highway in Kenwood and built the current Deerfield Ranch Winery with the financial assistance of many partners. PJ and her brother-in-law, Martin Rex, served as co-managers of the construction project.

As a managing partner with Robert and general manager of Deerfield Ranch Winery, PJ was the guiding force. In addition, she wore many other hats, including marketing director, editor, and wine club advisor. PJ was also the inspiration for Deerfield’s clean wine protocols–wines with low sulfites and low histamines, that do not cause headaches or allergic reactions. PJ was the “canary” in the cave. If she could drink the wine without a negative reaction, everyone could.

PJ’s sign was Cancer, the crab. She fit the bill. She loved trips to the ocean. A day at the ocean with a friend was special. In fact, close to the ocean was the only other place beside wine country she would have wanted to live. When she felt out of sorts, she’d say that she had to get the crab back to the water and head for the coast.

For such a diminutive woman, PJ was unusually tough, unwavering and determined. She was a risk-taker who loved speed, be it racing sail boats, driving fast cars or skiing off cliffs and building her wings on the way down. Yet PJ had a tender side, which attracted small children and animals. She collected teddy bears, shoes, odd little things and lots of friends.

PJ was nurturing and loyal and protective of her loved ones. She wasn’t afraid to act in their defense if she felt it was necessary. Her intuitions were also strong and on the mark. She would know things without knowing how she knew them. She was even known to change a new friend’s name if she didn’t think the one they were given worked, and their new names almost always stuck.

PJ was a health guru and healer. Many people credit her with saving their lives by changing their diets and lifestyles. She mentored and counseled hundreds over the years. Her unfailing optimism and positive outlook inspired all who knew her. The irony of her untimely death in the face of her healthy lifestyle is a conundrum to all who knew her.

PJ loved fashion. Whether entertaining or gardening, she was always perfectly dressed. Her favorite store was Ross. She was tiny and found the most amazing fashions there, clothes that were too small for most. One time, when a group attending a VIP wine tasting at the ranch turned out to be Ross Store managers, she told them that the Santa Rosa store had great clothes. They said they had noticed from the sales reports that there was a demand there for small designer clothes. That was PJ. She gave herself a clothes budget of $20 per week. She dressed others as well. After the fires of 2017, she opened a pop-up clothing store at the winery. The pop-up raised money for fire victims and gave free clothes to many who had lost their homes. After generously stocking the store with designer wear from her own closets, she encouraged her friends to donate as well. Her favorite charities were close to home, including her own Checkerbloom Society, a non-profit to protect the Kenwood Marsh, half of which is on the Deerfield property, and the endangered Kenwood Marsh Checkerbloom.

PJ and Robert were involved in community theater for several years and were often on stage. In the early 80s they produced a television show, Nighttime with Rick Miron, that ran on Bay Area cable channels and was produced live from the Cabaret Sauvignon Room above the Sebastiani Theater in Sonoma. PJ played many roles, from standup comedian to que card girl and green room guest warm up, to bartender at the adjacent pub where Rick would call her to find out what was going on in town. She’d read the funny local police reports from the local paper. The theater company also sold and produced the commercials for the show with PJ as the star.

PJ and Robert made a great team in the kitchen. Together they cooked legendary meals, large and small, and for many of the events at the winery, meals which were supplemented by food from their large organic garden. They were an inspiration to their daughter, Christine, who became a professional chef and caterer and is the executive chef at the winery.

PJ always told great stories, even when she was on her deathbed. Whether it was over a wine tasting and lunch at the ranch, a session in her closets, a heart-to-heart on how to live better or a chance encounter, an experience with PJ was always memorable.

Donations in her honor can be made to the Kenwood Marsh Checkerbloom Society to continue her work to restore and care for the wetlands. Please contact winery@deerfieldranch.com to make your donation. 

If you wish to send condolences or share memories of PJ, we ask that you please do so by clicking the button below. We are compiling the messages for Robert and the family, and they will read them in due time.

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